You want source material. We got source material. Click-o-Matic.
Countdown to Finals Week: Four days. Last exit before insanity.
1) Silly rabbit, menial, soul-destroying jobs are for illegal immigrants!
2) Find lactating mother, have her put "special" milk for coffee in office fridge.
3) Germaphobe? What did Angela Merkel ever do to you? Seriously, though, wash hands, shut up.
4) "Hey, unhinged bro, are you Dexter in disguise?" Can't end well.If the H1N1 doesn't get you, the nutty ax murderer will!