Thursday, March 11, 2010

TL;DR Prudence (3/11): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

Now exclusive to Blogger.  Source material from Slate.

1) Allah is punishing you.  Blow yourself up, preferably outside a populated area.

2) You are a sharp one.  Engagement expectations reveal woman's character.  Dump her.  NOW.

3) You're not good enough.  Don't like taking shit from me?  Good.  See pattern developing.

4) Repeat after me: "Eat it, suckers!" Then send resume to Variety!

Spring Break!  Woohoo!  Time to get...cold sober and caught up on work.  Crap.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Program Note: Slate Fray Found Murdered in Ditch

Good old King Jeremy the Wicked at Slate insisted that the Fray could live parallel to their new JSKit easily moderated, transparent, public, discussion-killing comments thingy on their articles.

Well, TL;DR has seen its weekly pageviews fall by more than half.  Either everyone is sick of this feature and left it in droves or, more likely, nobody realizes the Fray exists anymore because the only proof of its existence is a teensy-weensy Brazilian bikini-sized link next to the giant buttons leading to the JSKit comments section.  Doesn't take Occam to figure this one out.

The upshot?  The Fly will now be the exclusive carrier of TL;DR Prudence.  I see no purpose in posting on Slate anymore when the only people who are going to read it there are probably the same people who already read it here.

Fuck you, Jeremy.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

TL;DR Prudence (2/25): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

Oh boy oh boy!  Source material from the Internet Advice Lady!  Find it here.

Buy a condom and you'll learn, no deposit, no return:
1) Latex fetish augurs well for kid developing safe sex habits. I say encourage him.
2) Talk to boss as boss and friend as friend, else lose friendship.
3) Boston terrier? I'd be too tempted to say to dog, "bahk bahk ahf ahf."
4) Y'know what makes for awkward party? Extreme introvert forced into social situation. I sympathize.
Paraphilia? Is that when pedophiles jump out of airplanes?

Thursday, February 18, 2010

TL;DR Prudence (2/18): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

Slate's doing its best to kill the Fray.  The show, however, must go on.  Source material is here.

We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked:

1) Need a hint? Starts with an F, ends with an "off". Now buck up.

2) Buy trophy from local award shop. Use it as conversation piece. Yay midlife crisis!

3) "Kids, see how stupid Daddy looks? Think twice before visiting tattoo parlor!"

4) You saved her the random sexual fantasies of legions. That makes you hero.

This week's column brought to you by Llama-Fresh Farms, near Paraguay.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

TL;DR Prudence (2/4): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

Source material from the Internet Advice Lady here.

Because F-bombs shouldn't be dropped on civilian targets:

1) Really? Not cheating, just brother's old fuck? I'll steal Messy's line. SHADDAP! You sniveling worm.

2) Are they having a sale on bones at Closet Mart? Go fuck LW1.

3) He's better man than I just for not having killed himself. I pray for him.

4) Fuck yeah, he should speak up! Idiot manager DESERVES to be fired!

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Mystery Ship Radio.

(and yes, I know I missed last week's blog post.  So sue me.)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

TL;DR Prudence (1/21): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

It's Thursday.  You know what that means?  That's right---the only day of the week where something reliably interesting is on Slate.  Get your weekly dose of source material from Prudie here.

Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant:

1) You know what this tells your husband? "My wife is a doormat." Expect more cheating.

2) What is she cooking? Chicken tartare? She needs food safety class.

3) Forgive me for being crude but was he drunk? Lucky he only killed himself.

4) Keep cans of SPAM around. Give one to each offender, say "now we're even, Madoff."

Become a Prudie affiliate! Make money at home! Lose your friends! Lose your self-respect!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

TL;DR Prudence (1/14): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

Source material at Slate, just like always.

New name, same great taste:

1) Cheating? Not unless you fuck 'em. Enjoy the free show!

2) Said Franklin: "Three can keep a secret if two are dead." Keep it zipped, chatterbox.

3) This is safe territory for "it goes or I go" ultimatum. What were you thinking?!

4) Until you said you were married, I would've said "career opportunities..." Now? Ignore creep.

News going up on later today about the "radio" part. Stay tuned.