Thursday, October 29, 2009

TL;DR Prudence (10/29): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

You know the drill. You want to know what the hell I'm talking about? Four crazy idiots write to the Internet Advice Lady on Slate.

If he gave you the shirt off his back, pants and underwear would soon follow:

1) Ugh...tickling. Punch him so hard in the nuts his grandkids will feel it someday.

2) 13 years sober here. I don't expect quarter for lost years. Your mom shouldn't either.

3) Home too small? Want gathering? This is why restaurants have banquet rooms. Welcome to adulthood.

4) Nothing says "modern parenting" like denigrating kids' wishes. She says quit it, you QUIT IT.

Did LW4 go to Emily Bazelon Quicker Fucker Upper School of Parenting?

(program note: Like my writing? Look over in the top right corner. Then click and follow.)

Monday, October 26, 2009

TL;DR Live! (10/26): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

Source material here.

My brain is overloading; it has a chocolate coating. (Textbook case for Sigmund Freud!)

Tampa Bay, 0-7: That's not a wife. It's a roommate and fuck buddy. Ditch your wedding plans.

Dallas: Is father-in-law on sex offender registry? No? Then where's the problem?

Foot Lauderdale: Buy flimsy furniture, set up camera. Gods, I love YouTube!

Detroit: Turnabout is fair play. Text beau's dad back with photos of you fucking his son.

Houston: What a guy. Send him happy photos of you and half-sister, twist that knife!

V for (Childish) Vendetta: Normally I'd say "childish freakout", but hubby sounds like he's hiding something. Like mistress.

Fairfax: "No problem" belongs on same pile as "You need to..." Modern American barbarism, methinks.

Seattle: One thing to make lout sleep on couch; quite another to say "nice fuck, bye."

Washington: Twist knife: "Your son was dumb luck. I wouldn't trust you to mommy a rat."

Austin: For jealous rage, Old Testament God has nothing on religious zealots!

Toronto: Say "Looks like she traded one cancer for another. Your charity's malignant, eh?"

Chicago: Apparently your "success" doesn't include family values. Boyfriend should ditch you, find better future mom.

Washington: I call this "gender equity." I've gained two pounds in five years married. Nag hubby!

Nor'Easter: He's a dick. Better not to keep company with such dishonest sleaze.

No prob, dude: Or give it an ethnic flavor: "De nada."

Rhode Island Red: Theory, schmoery. People say what they picked up along the way.

King Jeremy the Wicked ruled his world...Jeremy spoke in class today.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

TL;DR Prudence (10/22): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

Want source material so you can follow along? Slate, October 22.

Ultra Hyper Fighting Championship Edition IV Alpha Happy Yum Yum Wow:

1. If it were any other girl, you'd think "he's fucking her." And rightly so. Creepy!

2. Lecherous guests hit on you. You show them painting. Say "no real thing, sorry."

3. He's dead to you, may as well be dead to her. Sounds fair, you slut.

4. Tell security. Film response. Put it on YouTube. Send me the link. Comedy gold!

Midterms? Done. Grades? 3.9. Me: Kool-Aid Man. "Oh yeah!"

(as an aside, #3 is causing a monumental shitstorm. Apparently "good writers" aren't allowed the occasional challenge to themselves to see who they can offend.)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

TL;DR Prudence (10/15): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

Source material so you can follow along at home here.

Na na na, gonna have a good time (hey hey hey!)

1) Who gives a flying crap who you fucked? No STD? No problem!

2) Chris Rock: "If your kid calls his grandma mama and mom Pam, that ain't right!"

3) Dad really traded down, didn't he? Lesson to boys: Don't marry dumb sluts.

4) $140? What's a Glock and a bullet cost for Bridezilla's just deserts?

Four-thousand word midterm yesterday. Sixty-word column today. Phew.

Sending Blogger to do Twitter's job.

Thanks to MessyONE's efforts, TL;DR Prudence (and its companion, TL;DR Live!) now finds itself on an unmoderated blog. The rules are simple:

  • 15 word limit on the intro.
  • 15 word limit to reply to each of Prudie's letter writers/chat room questioners
  • 15 word limit for an outro/ending/conclusion.
Source material, for anyone stumbling onto this from anywhere other than The Fly, is found at, just look under the "Life" section for Dear Prudence. It'll make a lot more sense that way. Each individual TL;DR column will link back to its source material as well.

OK. Enough intro. You want to know more about me, find it at or follow monsterdog5 on Twitter.