Source material from the Internet Advice Lady here.
These days I'm wakin' up at 1300. So you get to wait:
1) "She doesn't think I'll be happy there." Manipulative sabotage much? Screw the bitch.
2) I lost my dad at nine. Defused awkward sympathy moments with sick jokes. Try it!
3) Gift horse + mouth = avert your fucking eyes. You don't have monopoly on caring!
4) No wonder you're single! Likely no man can stand your single-mom bitch whining. Slut.
Prudie theory holds "referential humor works best." Does it work for shitstorms?