Prudie puts the "fun" in dysfunctional with her letter writers here.
I'm elbow deep in something, Prudie, and I don't think it's cranberry sauce...
Thankful for Extortion: I'm glad you said "boyfriend" and not "husband." Still time to dump spineless worm.
Cheapo New Yorker: Seriously, you can't find some room in your budget for Thanksgiving? Look again, cheapskate.
Bully Bro: Either he's gone nuts or something happened to turn him bitter. Therapist could find out.
Estranged Daddy: Sounds like a real champ. If you can't kill him, just pretend he's dead.
Family Cover Redux: His refusal to raise hell speaks volumes about his lacking fitness as mate.
Coworkers: Prudie's kiddy rule is dumb. Invite who you want, fuck everyone else (literally, consolation prize?)
It's Not You, It's You: Ten bucks says hottie is shallow, conceited bitch---which is why he's with you.
Curses, I Already Used the WKRP Joke: You spent $250? Where'd you get turkey, Istanbul? Here we do Thanksgiving cheap!
ID Theft Paranoid: I'm a big fan of the marble trick. Or, if cabinet's deep, bowling balls...
Movie Theater: Slingshot + jawbreakers = justice. Practice your aim at home. Win Oscar for "Best Supporting Theater Patron."
Everyone Hates In-Laws!: Now is time to flip your shit, throw them out, plead temporary (justified) rage later.
Fetal Alcohol: Consider also pleading recent illness, say "doc said avoid hooch for a while, sorry."
Long-Distance Euromance: Confessing feelings will screw with her trip, which she'll resent. Wait 'til she comes home.
Thirtysomething: No wonder you had rough youth---mom's a certified loon! Brother should understand as much.
Stuffing Animal: Umm...wait...what? Right. What Prudie said. I got nothin'.
Buster Olney, Md.: Generosity, kindness, and sacrifice. That's what I call Thanksgiving spirit. Last sanity before Black Friday!
Brother-Out-Law: Schmucks like him ain't even worth the price of a bullet to shoot 'em. Sad.
Green beans and WHAT, now?: I've got two pet rats and THEY wouldn't eat that together...and they'll eat anything!
Surviving Thanksgiving: My survival's easy. Keep family at safe thousands-of-miles distance, enjoy meal in peace.The Safeway girl made fun of our Thanksgiving chicken. Turkey's too much for two!