Monday, November 16, 2009

TL;DR Live! (11/16): Answers in 15 words or fewer.

Source material? Found on Slate, like always.

From the halls of Montezuma's Revenge to the stalls of Tripoli:

Pervy FIL: Too bad his sons can't extract proper revenge with HIS woman...unless they're Oedipus...

Silicone Parts are Made for Toys: Congratulations Captain Obvious, you've just learned that shallow, hollow vanity sucks! Took you long enough.

Secret Anorexic: Unless the fruit is wax, you're SUPPOSED to eat! Declining insults your host.

Overgrown Teenager: You sure you're not 13? Fuck around, dump her, marry her, who gives a fuck?

His n' Herpes: That ship's already sailed, hasn't it? Tell him. NOW, you filthy, skanky gutter whore!

Mexican Telenovela: Swim Rio Grande, find new, better life picking American strawberries. La migra? No esta problema.

Re: Old Man Huggy Bear: Or you could just pepper-spray him. Hilarity ensues!

Eating, Disordered: Mom always told me "don't take the last..." Do hosts always have one left?

Thanks, but No Thanks: Statute of limitations. Water under the bridge. Old news. Get the point?

Blackberry Black Eye: Before I got married, cell phone was surefire second-date disqualifier. Dump the inattentive slug.

Breaks (Wind) of the Game: Tell Grunthos the Flatulent he's not in an oompah band. Get him some Beano.

Thank You Very Much: I've argued in this space that thank-you notes are outdated. Some disagree.

Starvin' Marvin Hirshberg: Give back as good as you get to those cracker-ass motherfuckers!

Re: Blackberry Obsessed: See? It ain't gonna get better. If this is "he's into you", get out.

Apologist: "Sorry." "About what?" "That thing ages ago." "Eh, 's'alright."

Re: Farting: Or turn to him and say "Gonna blame THAT one on the dog, too?"

STD Farm: But hey, at least he won't get AIDS, sparing us scene from "Rent".

Karma to the In-Laws: If ever there were a time for schadenfreude, this is it! They can bugger off.

Humanity Sucks: Well, actually, Prudie just picks the biggest idiots for public ridicule and humor.

Free range farting: Or douse him in Febreze and perfume.

What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men, you just can't reach.

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