Source material? Found on Slate, like always.
From the halls of Montezuma's Revenge to the stalls of Tripoli:
Pervy FIL: Too bad his sons can't extract proper revenge with HIS woman...unless they're Oedipus...
Silicone Parts are Made for Toys: Congratulations Captain Obvious, you've just learned that shallow, hollow vanity sucks! Took you long enough.
Secret Anorexic: Unless the fruit is wax, you're SUPPOSED to eat! Declining insults your host.
Overgrown Teenager: You sure you're not 13? Fuck around, dump her, marry her, who gives a fuck?
His n' Herpes: That ship's already sailed, hasn't it? Tell him. NOW, you filthy, skanky gutter whore!
Mexican Telenovela: Swim Rio Grande, find new, better life picking American strawberries. La migra? No esta problema.
Re: Old Man Huggy Bear: Or you could just pepper-spray him. Hilarity ensues!
Eating, Disordered: Mom always told me "don't take the last..." Do hosts always have one left?
Thanks, but No Thanks: Statute of limitations. Water under the bridge. Old news. Get the point?
Blackberry Black Eye: Before I got married, cell phone was surefire second-date disqualifier. Dump the inattentive slug.
Breaks (Wind) of the Game: Tell Grunthos the Flatulent he's not in an oompah band. Get him some Beano.
Thank You Very Much: I've argued in this space that thank-you notes are outdated. Some disagree.
Starvin' Marvin Hirshberg: Give back as good as you get to those cracker-ass motherfuckers!
Re: Blackberry Obsessed: See? It ain't gonna get better. If this is "he's into you", get out.
Apologist: "Sorry." "About what?" "That thing ages ago." "Eh, 's'alright."
Re: Farting: Or turn to him and say "Gonna blame THAT one on the dog, too?"
STD Farm: But hey, at least he won't get AIDS, sparing us scene from "Rent".
Karma to the In-Laws: If ever there were a time for schadenfreude, this is it! They can bugger off.
Humanity Sucks: Well, actually, Prudie just picks the biggest idiots for public ridicule and humor.
Free range farting: Or douse him in Febreze and perfume.
What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men, you just can't reach.