Slate's doing its best to kill the Fray. The show, however, must go on. Source material is here.
We apologise for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked:
1) Need a hint? Starts with an F, ends with an "off". Now buck up.
2) Buy trophy from local award shop. Use it as conversation piece. Yay midlife crisis!
3) "Kids, see how stupid Daddy looks? Think twice before visiting tattoo parlor!"
4) You saved her the random sexual fantasies of legions. That makes you hero.
This week's column brought to you by Llama-Fresh Farms, near Paraguay.