Two holidays to go, Prudie? You left out Kwanzaa, the pagan Solstice celebration, Festivus...(click link for source material)
But when Eric eats a banana, he gains the strength of twenty BIG men:
On the Down Low: Nice read on Prudie's tendencies. Deflecting "get tested" advice? Great catch!
Cheapskate Christmas: What happens when materialism meets extended recession? Don't touch that dial!
Children That I Know Of: Ahh, Facebook. It'll cause apocalypse in about three years.
Auntie Adolf: Does she also paint postcards in her spare time and dream of joining German army?
Scared Straight: I'm recovering alcoholic. I don't want booze in my house. Not quite the same, but...
One Year of Parental Dumbassity: Repeat after me: "Don't you know there's a recession going on?"
Pregnant Snobby Bitch: Just wait until kid's born. All illusions of yuppie parenthood dissolve in baby tears.
MIL, Not MILF: "Beat it, bitch, or I'm calling cops." She already hates you; you've nothing to lose!
Re: Madison: "Gift of service" is often least appreciated. Just cut the check.
Dumbfuck Knocked Up: Please, abort that kid. Chronic Stupid isn't good parenting trait.
Produce Exchange: Watch Penn&Teller Bullshit! episode "Eat This." Then SHUT. The FUCK. UP.
Nagging Wife: If she insists on being Alice, you be Ralph. Bang, zoom, to the moon!
Brother Politician: Say flat out: "Who's running against you so I can write a check for him?"
Gay man's perspective: I ran it by my gay friend. He said "Ugh. Good way to get AIDS."*
Give the Gift of Grammar: How about "re-gift"? Does that drive you even crazier?
Nagging Wife Replies: He's watching his kids. Prudie's right.
Seth Rogen: Once...for now, and you're still a fucking retard. Abort! Abort!
I Only Eat Local = Pesudo-Intellectual Dimwit: Or Slate writer for "Green Lantern" section.
I want to make bumper sticker: "Organic Food = Genocide" and go to Whole Foods.
*Breaking character here to clarify my gay friend's comment: He said that "it's the closeted ones you have to watch out for. They're not comfortable with their sexuality, they're not 'in' the lifestyle, and their denial makes them take a lot of stupid risks. That's why I only go for guys who are openly 'out'." Hope the Fray doesn't mind me going over 15 words to properly source an item.
(how strange! My previous comment just disappeared... so I'll try again)
ReplyDeleteFox, great Plato Dialogues type of advice.... I particularly liked you advice to the politician's brother.
I almost punched my screen when I saw Dumbfuck Knocked Up's post and wanted to go on for pages and pages about their idiocy, but your 10 words say it better, and possibly has the chance of being understood by those who read at a sixth grade level and think at a third grade level.
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